8 Steps to a Safer, Sexier Play Party

Throw sex parties that people remember for all the right reasons.

By: Kris of KrisBee Presents

When people feel safe, it makes it so much easier for the vibe to flow. Imagine walking into a party (yes that kind of party) and knowing deep down you can fully let loose with zero worry that someone will cross a line they can’t come back from. 

That’s the dream, right?

If you’re a swinger, a sex party regular, or part of the kink community, you’ve probably felt like that dream is harder to reach than it should be. My hope is that if any of this resonates with you, you’ll give this blog a read and share your own tips, stories, and hopes for a safer, sexier future in the community down in the comments.

I don’t know if a party with zero safety concerns truly exists, but Bee and I do our best to get as close as possible. I want to share some of the ways we created a safer, sexier vibe at our recent birthday party — tips you can take into your own events.

1. Safer Sexier Play Party Essentials

No matter how hot the vibe is, nothing kills the mood faster than not having what you need in the moment. We keep a vast “party kit” on site. For us that includes:

• Condoms (latex and non-latex options, glow in the dark and fruity too!)

• Dental dams (keep scissors for modifying condoms if dental dam supply is low.)

• Lube (water-based, silicone, and hypoallergenic)

• Gloves and wipes

• Menstrual supplies

• Aftercare items (blankets, electrolyte packets/drinks, tissues)

  
  

Show your guests you thought ahead. When people know supplies are available, it helps everyone relax into the moment without scrambling or stressing.

2. Normalize Talking About Testing BEFORE the Party

Safer spaces start before the first guest arrives, weeks before, in fact. We always include encouragement around STI testing in our promotions. This is part of community care.

1. Share information for local testing sites.

2. Mention when we’ve been tested as a way to model openness.

3. Encourage guests to talk about it before the party.

The more we normalize this, the less stigma there is. People feel safer when they know others are doing their part.

3. Consent is non-negotiable!

Consent isn’t a buzzword, it’s the foundation of every safer, sexier space.

Consent must be:

1. Freely given: No pressure, no manipulation, no intimidation.

2. Reversible: Yes can become no at any point.

3. Informed: Everyone knows what they’re agreeing to.

4. Enthusiastic: Not just a lack of “no,” but an active yes.

5. Specific: Agreeing to one activity doesn’t mean blanket consent for all activities.

   
   

At our play parties, we remind guests that checking in, is hot as f*ck. Hearing “Do you want this?” or “Is this still okay?” in the middle of a scene or hookup reinforces trust and makes the moment hotter.

Building a Consent-First Space

1. Share rules at event start, tailored to the venue and agreed upon by attendees.

2. Use clear, welcoming language about consent to ensure everyone understands it applies to them.

3. Encourage guests to speak up to partners, hosts, authorities, or any safe person.

When consent is the culture, people feel freer to play, experiment, and connect.

4. Set play party expectations upfront

Every event is different, and the rules should match the vibe.

We use event-specific expectations of conduct and a liability waiver. These are highly necessary tools that:

1. Spell out what’s welcome and what isn’t.

2. Make people pause and reflect before walking in.

3. Protect both the hosts, vendors and the guests as much as possible.

   
   

Go beyond paperwork:

1. Conduct a verbal overview of the rules at the beginning.

2. Seek feedback from trusted co-hosts and community members.

3. Adapt to the context of the event.

   
   

5. Vet your guest list for a safer sexier play party

1. Stay in touch with attendees over time. Build trust through ongoing connection, not just at events.

2. Vet the entire list carefully. Look out for red flags, especially if someone has a history of misconduct.

3. Pay attention to community feedback and reviews. Word of mouth often reveals what formal vetting misses.

4. Ask trusted co-hosts or community members for input. A second opinion helps catch things you might overlook.

5. Balance familiarity with openness. Welcome new people, but always with the same level of care and screening as regulars.

6. Keep biases in check

A party that only feels safe for some isn’t truly safe. That means actively working against unconscious bias.

1. Invite people who don’t all look like you, sound like you, or live like you.

2. Vet them with the same care as anyone else.

3. Follow up: ask guests what makes them feel welcome, or where they’ve felt alienated in the past. Apologize if you have been the cause of past alienation.

   
   

Diversity and inclusion directly affect how safe people feel walking into your space. The more perspectives in the room, the more the safer and sexier the play party becomes.

7. Check In during the play party

Hosts should be visible, approachable, and proactive. It’s not just about setting rules and walking away.

1. Check in with guests beyond your inner circle.

2. Make sure everyone knows who to go to if they have a question or concern.

   • Recognize that concerns range from “Where’s the bathroom?” to “I need to report a consent violation.”

8. Follow up after the party

Safety doesn’t end when the lights turn on. Keep your ear tuned for:

1. Rumors or gossip are often grounded in real issues that need to be addressed.

2. Private feedback. Invite guests to share how the event felt.

3. Ongoing consent culture. Reinforce that concerns will be taken seriously, even after the fact.

At the end of the day, no space will ever be risk-free. <- Read it again

But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. For Bee and me, safety and sexy will always be intertwined. The work is ongoing, and it’s worth it.

The best parties are the ones people (all types of people) want to come back to, because they left feeling safe, seen, and satisfied.

So, let’s keep building those safer sexier play parties together!

Share your own tips, stories, or hopes in the comments, because community care is on all of us.

And if you want to see what we’re working on next, keep up with us at KrisBee Presents.